I will begin sharing my walk with God. When I was 15, I decided to accept Jesus. Throughout the years, I have been running all over the places to search for full satisfaction to my heart’s desire: the desire to be loved and accepted. I search satisfaction in finding love, in pursuing achievements, in eating; but all of them never brought me ultimate satisfaction, or in other words contentment. I would like to share a verse from Hosea 2:19, where God says: “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.”
God desires an intimate relationship with us, that like a marriage relationship. It is hard to make that commitment, but God woes me, and brings me to know Him more through His word. In this process of learning, I came to the point of seeking Him and finding Him. He was there all along, never leaving me behind. I struggled to give and surrender two areas of my life- health and desire for marriage in the past. I know He died for me, but I was struggling in these two areas. How is my difficult situation evident of His love for me?
It was a long walk, a 12 year walk, where I was in the desert before coming to the promised land, but He never left me once. I was struggling with my worries, anger and anxieties all these years, He never left me, He is walking with me, guiding me each step of the journey. I am made aware of my anger which made me suffer, Jesus helped me to be aware of the anger and to surrender it to Him, to face it with calmness and self-control. I feel satisfied in Jesus. He is more than enough for me. I am choosing to be content in my singleness right now. I know that what He plans for me whether to be single or married, it is for my good, and He knows me best. Sometimes He allows pain and difficulties to come through my life, but that is to help me grow more mature and to realise the depths of His love for me.
It seems hard to say God is good when all is hard, it is hard to say that He loves you when you go through something painful, but remember He loves you so much and there are some things we do not understand- He is sovereign over it all and He is good. So friends, do not be discouraged, when the walk is hard, turn to Jesus. He is the One that can and will truly satisfy your longings. He invites you to be His partner. I trust Jesus, through my difficult emotions, through my desires, that He will be my guide, my Love who never leaves me, and will continue moulding my heart to be like Him. Whatever difficulties you are facing right now, look for Jesus. I pray that anyone reading this may know and experience His love.